I've never really been the girl to stand out. Never anyone who sought out attention. Truth be told? I preferred to blend.... I'm sure, looking back, that it was because I never really saw myself as God does. I was always shy, conscience of my "big" eyes, off set nose and smile... and completely aware that I was over weight.
In the midst of my divorce, my ugly life and unsuccessful attempt at losing weight... I took the picture below.
I thought WOW! Oh so beautiful! How could I have not seen this beauty!?!
However, if I'd known then what I'd know now.... this picture WOULD HAVE BEEN A WAKE UP CALL!!!
This picture is beautiful.... but in a way no one even really understands. Yes, this IS how God sees me.... glowing, smiling, intelligent, perfectly made in beauty of his image. This picture was taken about 1 or 2 weeks before my life crumpled to the ground & I stood there thinking... "he did this.... it's his fault.... oh she did this.... how did they get away w/ it" .... not blaming God... heck, (the Truth shall set us free) I didn't even CONSIDER God @ this point. I was blaming everyone around me¡! ... EXCEPT ME!
I've come to realize this picture was a warning.... This is HIS beauty, I am HIS child, I AM HIS LOVE.... my choice to disregard... cast him aside.... led him to say .... while I see your beauty, your worth, your potential for devotion to me (this beautiful picture) you ignore me. I will take it away!!!
I lost mine & my daughters home, 3 cars, my license, 50% of my income. I lost trust, love, responsibility, commitment. I chose a path that led me so far from the ONLY man/God that could give me what I truly desired... and he, didn't abandon me, but walked w/ me in silence even as I cried he remained silent. I still was not crying out FOR HIM .... I was crying out for revenge and I continued to fall deeper... UNTIL....
I hit the floor.... at his feet .... having no electricity, about to have no home for my girls, so weak and exhausted I couldn't stand.... didn't want to stand.... to look him in his eyes. No I am not walking with him... just yet. But THANK YOU DEAR LORD... he is walking slow enough with me so that I may crawl and learn as a baby learns.
I feel him more and more every day. ... .. because I seek him, I beg for his voice, for his love. I remember more and more to die to myself and allow him the control.... I am no longer tired & exhausted, I cry more at happiness then at sadness and I THANK HIM every opportunity I get!
This picture below, to me, represents the moment God made himself known.... even though I couldn't love him back.... he still loved me. I hope to spend the rest of my life showing him how much I love him.
PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD
