~Fighting The INNER Beast~

My evolution is beyond my control .... I am not now who I was 5 seconds ago.  Whether due to knowledge, thought, smile or emotion .... the fact that I am continually evolving is amazing .... So .... 

It is very clear to me that part of me is smarter .... more intelligent then the other  :-)

I realize ... in fact ........   I KNOW  that love is not defined by validation from other people, a title or jewelery, etc. However, my "dumb" wants to kick in repeatedly when I hear other people being "LOVED" like I want... (EVEN as I type this my "smart"  kicks in and says "but you have NO idea what other's love is like Ms LeeLee ... maybe you DONT want that love) .....  It is SO right.

I know that these things do not make someone "love me" ... or make them faithful ... or nice ... or care for me. 

But .... my other side wants it SO badly.

I want a love undefinable .... but I want a title?
I want a love to outlast everything by Gods Grace .... but Im rushing without his permission?

My inner beast is full ON today ..... My friend is engaged ... and while I am completely against marriage ... the wish to feel the love she must feel  ..... Im not saying HER love is MY love ... but clearly this man loves her enough to give his life to her .... however ... whatever "love" it is .... it works for them ....

I simply want the love that works for me ..... 

!!!ITS MY LOVE AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!