In The Beginning .... Part I

Let's discuss how this whole journey came about ...

Back in 2000 (ish) I met a man & began a relationship, that will last 10 years.  This relationship, is what I believed, to be my most adult relationship - built on trust, honor, loyalty & Love .... That good ole' fashioned Love.  He was my best friend .... There wasn't anything he didn't know about me.

As time went on I started 2 notice things .... things that didn't add up.  Things from his past, his family, his friends, job ... etc.  As most women know though when dealing with affairs of the heart .... We ALWAYS try to rationalize what we know to make sense.  I continued this "rationalization" for many years.

However, as I continued my rationalization .... my dissatisfaction in the marriage & with him presented itself in weight gain, lack of desire for him, dishonesty & distrust.

Now, as a relationship built w/ such a solid foundation I went to him in our 8th year and explained everything.  I couldn't ignore it anymore, things weren't right & I thought it was time to move on.  (FYI ... the things in his life still continued to not add up.) 

We talked about our concerns .... Came clean on SOME things, I suppose, & decided we wanted to work on the rest.  I mean, 8 years is a lot to toss aside.  However, within a year we were right back in the same position again..   This time we tried a family vacation & marriage counseling. ....

Not to bore you w/ all the details -but to paint a big picture .... His distrust 4 me became SO out of control that I was required to "check in" several times a day.  I couldn't hang out or go to lunch w/ anyone.  He wanted unlimited access to all things internet.   Normally, this would not be a big deal except it came from nowhere & I was always made to feel as though I was hiding something.  Even though I was not.

Within 6 months again we found ourselves at the same place .... Me asking for a divorce as it was no longer a marriage or friendship.

So this time ... with fighting & screaming .... We said our good byes ... & went our separate ways .... Like adults, as promised each other in the beginning .....

Or so I had thought ....