 Oh So Beautiful 

I've never really been the girl to stand out.   Never anyone who sought out attention.  Truth be told? I preferred to blend....  I'm sure, looking back, that it was because I never really saw myself as God does.  I was always shy, conscience of my "big" eyes, off set nose and smile...  and completely aware that I was over weight.

In the midst of my divorce, my ugly life and unsuccessful attempt at losing weight...  I took the picture below.

I thought WOW!  Oh so beautiful!  How could I have not seen this beauty!?!

However, if I'd known then what I'd know now....  this picture WOULD HAVE BEEN A WAKE UP CALL!!!

This picture is beautiful....  but in a way no one even really understands.  Yes, this IS how God sees me....  glowing, smiling, intelligent, perfectly made in beauty of his image.   This picture was taken about 1 or 2 weeks before my life crumpled to the ground & I stood there thinking...  "he did this....  it's his fault....  oh she did this....  how did they get away w/ it" .... not blaming God...  heck, (the Truth shall set us free)  I didn't even CONSIDER God @ this point.  I was blaming everyone around me¡! ... EXCEPT ME!

I've come to realize this picture was a warning....  This is HIS beauty, I am HIS child, I AM HIS LOVE....  my choice to disregard...  cast him aside....  led him to say ....  while I see your beauty, your worth, your potential for devotion to me (this beautiful picture)  you ignore me.  I will take it away!!!

I lost mine & my daughters home, 3 cars, my license, 50% of my income.  I lost trust, love, responsibility, commitment.  I chose a path that led me so far from the ONLY man/God that could give me what I truly desired...  and he, didn't abandon me, but walked w/ me in silence even as I cried he remained silent.  I still was not crying out FOR HIM .... I was crying out for revenge and I continued to fall deeper...  UNTIL....

I hit the floor....  at his feet .... having no electricity, about to have no home for my girls, so weak and exhausted I couldn't stand....  didn't want to stand....  to look him in his eyes.  No I am not walking with him...  just yet.  But THANK YOU DEAR LORD...  he is walking slow enough  with me so that I may crawl and learn as a baby learns.

I feel him more and more every day. ... .. because I seek him, I beg for his voice, for his love.  I remember more and more to die to myself and allow him the control....  I am no longer tired & exhausted, I cry more at happiness then at sadness and I THANK HIM every opportunity I get!

This picture below, to me, represents the moment God made himself known....  even though I couldn't love him back....  he still loved me.  I hope to spend the rest of my life showing him how much I love him.

PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD